Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
