And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize