I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
