i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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