So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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