We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I just forgot I was standing up.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
