his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
