Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
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He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
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...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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