Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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