Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
