Jerry, you need to find god
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Everclear isn't food dammit
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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