it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
