apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
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