what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
