Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
