Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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