it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
