So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
