As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
