3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
