umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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