Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
We had sex on a dog bed..
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
