FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
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