I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
