Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
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