There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
me + whiskey = a bad person
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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