There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
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