I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
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