I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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