So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Randomize
