Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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