Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Randomize
