It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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