Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
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I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
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I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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