it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
