I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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