Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
