dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
