Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
