my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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