Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
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College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
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Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
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