so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
