my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
