hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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