You really coming over, don't trick.
Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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