Im at strip club and am horny
Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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