Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
