it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
