Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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