yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
