the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
