the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
