I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
