1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
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I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
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"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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