And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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