You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
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Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
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Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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