You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I'm bleeding and have questions
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
