Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
